TV Dinners are such devious little bastards. Since you can’t blame an inanimate object for something, as much as I would like to, I’m going to have to find a person to blame.
Photographers and Marketers. Sorry guys and gals, but you are to blame. Where do you come up with these photos for the cover of TV Dinners? I swear you walk into some 5 star restaurant, snap some pictures, and paste them onto the cardboard box that this space food is contained in. When your food comes in a cardboard box, I think that is the first sign that you shouldn’t eat it.
But I fall for these scams every so often. Never go to the grocery store hungry, or you’ll come home with a bunch of shitty TV Dinners. I don’t know why I am so surprised every time it comes out of the microwave. What? I thought that the microwave zapped it into the beautiful goodness that it looks like on the box. I’m not sure what is more scary – the TV Dinner frozen or after it’s been microwaved. They should have a contest – whose TV Dinner looks the closest to the picture on the box? Or better yet, whose TV Dinner looks the most opposite then the picture on the box?
On this day, I bought the TV Dinner made by Banquet because I was told there would be lots of coupons inside. Why did I think that the coupons would be for various other things in the store and not JUST Banquet products? How dare I think-outside-the-brand. (I should TM that)
Growing up, I ate a lot of TV Dinners because when you’re a kid, eating disgusting food is great. My BFF Tisha (mentioned in my first post!) had this nack for not following the directions. Which she is damn right in that notion because the directions are a pain in my freakin ass…
“Remove the film cover off of the chicken nuggets, but not off of the mac n cheese, and poke holes in the film cover above the brownie. Replace film cover for the last minute of microwave zapping and don’t forget to double tap”
Like, WHAT?! With that being said, I still couldn’t ignore the directions (insert psychological diagnoses of why I couldn’t do that here).
The directions on this particular TV Dinner really did say what I said above, minus the double tap. It also said to “move the chicken nuggets around”… move them around?! Do you mean, flip them? Who writes these things anyways! In art school we always did this task where one person writes down a set of directions while the other person follows them word for word. There is a reason you learn this task before moving on to a real mans job. So you don’t confuse idiots like me! Oh, and so you can be credible and make sense and be a real goddamn human being adult idiot child face head (TM).
Who knew you could go on this long about TV Dinners?
The pudding always ends up with corn in it. The brownie always tastes like the mac n cheese. The mac n cheese is always half frozen. The chicken nuggets are probably made of soy. “My child will never be a vegetarian” – good luck with that, pretty sure you’re feeding them soy 9 times out of 10.
Who are these things packaged by anyways? I bet the Marketers do all the work, even make the food, thats why it’s so shitty.
(this all coming from a gal who works around many Marketers, Photographers, and Photoshop-extraordinares)
Do not feed your cats, kids, or yourself TV Dinners folks. If you do, make sure you exercise it out, like so: