Mexican Bake

If there is one thing The Reds love, it’s a mexican bake. Or a pasta bake. A bake of any sort really. If you stick it in the baking thing, it’s going to be appealing to us.

This recipe from OhMyVeggies is to die for: http://ohmyveggies.com/cheesy-taco-casserole/
In fact, everything we’ve made from this site has been to die for.

Green pepper and kidney beans were a new ingredient for me to use so I was on board. Oh yeah, tryin’ new things, gettin’ wild.

So now that I’m super smart, this recipe was pretty easy. Chop a bunch of shit, cook it in a pan, then bake it with cheese on top. Easy enough!

The funny part was when Joe went to make it. He would’t stop complaining about how the directions are written. It’s 5 directions at first glance, but there are a million little directions hidden inside each one. Frustrating, right? Now ya’ll understand why I started this blog in the first place! Directions. My grandmother told me that I write the best directions for her and I was like oh my gosh this is my purpose in life. But really, that means I learned something in college. I learned to write directions for my grandmother to use her DVD player to watch 50 Shades of Gray and how to use OnDemand. Good stuff right there.

You know what I didn’t learn in college? How to cut an onion. Here is a bajillion dollars to teach me how to write directions, but no one can teach me how to cook. I need to eat to live, I don’t need to write directions to live. Thanks for the life skills, school.

Every time I try to cut an onion a different disaster strikes. If I hold my breath, my face doesn’t leak all over the onion, so that’s the tactic I’ve been going with. I also chop it without a purpose so I have multiple sized cuts which is great for cooking evenly (not). As I get towards the end, I can’t see anymore because my eyes are burning my face off. Thank tofu that I don’t cut a finger off. Even the other night, my pregnant friend comes over, and I can just smell the onions from the night before and I start to tear up. It had nothing to do with her being pregnant, I swear it was the onions.

My lovely aunt gifted me a pampered chef slap chop to help cut the onion, which is great, it has me spending less time with the little bastard onions. But the problem is that I still have to peel the onion and cut it into the right shape to fit into the slap chop. By that time, my face has fallen off and we are still eating face-onion. I also got the onion stuck in the slap chop, so, there’s that.

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I must say, though, that onions and garlic really do improve dishes. Who knew that that tip was a good tip! I definitely didn’t know because no one taught me that in school. Where was I supposed to learn that? Maybe I need to go work for a school and fix these problems…less math, more knife skills.

The good news about all these cutting problems is that we live in 2017 where there are so many future devices made for cutting. We have a food processor, a veggetti, a veggetti pro, a pampered chef slap chop, garlic press, and a cheese grater. All of these things help to cut things, but there is something fulfilling about being able to cut on your own. It’s like learning to ride a bike before learning to drive a car. Wait, what?

This dish wasn’t a fail, it was a huge success. I could eat it everyday. Ya’ll should try it!

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Knife choppin’

I really need to learn how to use a knife. I remember going to get one for Joe as a present and there was a knife guy in the store. He asked me to step up to the cutting board and try the knife out and it was super embarrassing. Apparently you need to stand a certain way. Right because my legs have to do with my hands, that makes sense. It’s just like sports with having to have the right form and shit. I don’t do “form”. I do things the Jess way.

I tried to cut a lemon to make flavored water. And, well, this is what I ended up with as trash:

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Im not sure how/why I wasted so much of it. Alls I know is you gotta cut the butts off! Hey, at least I used a serrated knife.

Onions are quite possibly the worst. I’m feeling all good about my cutting ability as I get it down to four pieces. Then it falls apart like a Jenga game. I also feel like I have to hold my breath while cutting it. As soon as I breathe, all hell breaks loose in my eyes, nose, and throat. I try all the silly tricks like putting a spoon in my mouth. I think next time I’ll wear goggles. Oh my eyes, they burn! I do find it fun when you get down to smaller pieces, you can just start chopping in every direction along the cutting board. But when you eat my food, you definitely are not going to get even pieces of onion in your dish. Srs I’m not srs.

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While we are on the topic of onions, can we discuss purchasing them for a moment? I am looking for a yellow onion in the store. Sure, my eyes see a yellow one. But yellow doesn’t always mean yellow, stranger things have happened. The sign says “onions sweet”. Oh, okay. THAT DOESN’T HELP ME. Is it white or yellow? Do I need it to be sweet? Is a yellow onion sweet? Is a white onion the same as a yellow onion then? I HAVE QUESTIONS PEOPLE.

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I’ve been seeing commercials for The Worst Cooks in America and I’ve come to find out that they’re doing a celebrity edition. This makes me feel better about not getting a call back *glare* BUT they are advertising not knowing how to use a knife. Me either dudes, me either. I’m not sure I would survive on that show simply because I can’t get the basics down. Oh the messes I have made.

I prefer to just break things apart, like these delicious Hello Kitty cookies. Break, bake, and go!

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I’m just going to become a shark and cut things with my teeth instead.

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