Tater Tot Tacos

What is with Dozey’s shoe obsession lately?

Back when we had 36 tortillas to eat, we had to come up with some creative ideas. Now, I can’t take full credit for this particular item. We all have Taco Bell to thank for their Crispy Potato Soft Taco. (Wow, Taco Bell, I am impressed with your website)

They describe it as; “A warm, soft flour tortilla filled with crispy potato bites, pepper jack sauce, crisp shredded lettuce, and real cheddar cheese.”

Let us try to recreate this delicious masterpiece…

  • Warm…not so much
  • Soft flour tortilla…yes!
  • Crispy potato bites…I think that is just marketing language for tater tot, which we definitely have that on hand
  • Pepper jack sauce… don’t have any of this, but who likes condiments anyways? Not I!
  • Crisp shredded lettuce… more marketing terms, yes I have some damn lettuce
  • Real cheddar cheese… as apposed to fake? It’s cool, got that too. Although, Taco Bell, you piss me off with your cheese portions. You barely put any on this particular taco and sometimes none at all. When I ask for extra cheese, you charge me a dollar. Screw you and your cheese hoarding.

Let us also add some tomatoes on top because they’re gosh darn delicious.

This tater tot taco does not require many steps to create:

  • Preheat oven..that is the worst part
  • Bake tater tots…ok
  • Cut up tomatoes
  • Throw shit into tortilla
  • Eat it.

Trust me, it’s the best creation yet.

Shake it like a Polaroid Picture

My buddy Jackie keeps suggesting to me that I should “attempt” to make some crazy fancy food in order to see how hilarious it turns out. The problem with that is, I don’t even know where to begin half the time. I’m also really impatient when it comes to food. I want my food and I want it now! (Right now I’m dreaming of breakfast potatoes)

One thing that I do know how to make (thanks, Mom) is Shake n Bake. When I saw the commercial for Kraft’s new product, I was all “Sweet! I can make my chicken more delicious now!” Honestly, half the time I just make it plain because I’m too lazy to even shake n bake. I normally used mashed potatoes as my condiment anyways. People put crab on top of their meat, why can’t I put potatoes on top of my meat?

Back to Kraft. Take a look at this monsterious packaging, the way the design delightfully draws you into its “new” product. It’s going to be delicious, right? Dude. It’s the same damn thing as Shake n Bake. Don’t try and sell me something “new” when it’s clearly not an original idea. Back to those pesky little advertisers and marketers again!

But the truth is, this shit was goddamn delicious. My well cultured friends would probably frown upon the fact that all I did was Shake it like a Polaroid Picture, they would probably want me to do something insane using words that I don’t even understand or knew exsisted. I guess that’s the price you pay for not falling into these advertisers tricks.

Price? This shit was like 3 bucks, ching ching. Ok here is my only problem with Shake n Bake/This New Kraft Shit (that’s the technical name for this product) – the directions on the package for how to cook the chicken is always different from the directions on the actual chicken package. wtf mate?! Why are ya’ll contridicting each other? Those of us that are terrified to be cooking in the first place need consistant directions! Luckily with this one, the temperature was the same, but the time was 10 minutes less. I did it for the lesser of the times, and it actually turned out perfect. (I can’t believe I am saying that)

The other thing I hate about meat is the dethawing process. I hate leaving it out on the counter all day to just soak in the warm kitchen sun, makes me nervous the little chickens are going to get up and walk away. I mean, would you want to be cooked in that hot ass oven? Well, you probably would. Because most of you bitch about the cold winter season and can’t wait to be outside burning to death.

An annoying thing about this particular kind of Shake n Bake was that there were 2 pouches, bread crumbs and cheese. You were suppossed to break the seam down the middle, and then shake them together. Turn it to the left, the cheese falls ontop of the bread crumbs. Turn it to the right, the bread crumbs fall ontop of the cheese. There wasn’t much room for it to fall through the cracks and actually mix correctly. Can I get an idiot proof Shake process next time?!

So there you have it folks, that chicken was done with the cold ass freezer and ready to get a sun tan in the oven. Then I ate it. (My photography skills make my food look far more gross then it actually is to the common person)

Green beans are always my go to side along with my mashed taters. Although I can never make my Green Beans quite like Joe’s mom does, even though I follow her directions! We didn’t have any milk so I couldn’t mash them taters, but I survivded. We got a new “Rice Side” that was Garlic with Cajun Spices – it was also delicious!

All in all, I call this a great success. Dozey enjoyed some chicken and Joe enjoyed some vegetarian riblets that only involve the microwave.

Let the kitty food coma settle in…

Don’t feed TV Dinners to your cat, or to yourself…

TV Dinners are such devious little bastards. Since you can’t blame an inanimate object for something, as much as I would like to, I’m going to have to find a person to blame.

Photographers and Marketers. Sorry guys and gals, but you are to blame. Where do you come up with these photos for the cover of TV Dinners? I swear you walk into some 5 star restaurant, snap some pictures, and paste them onto the cardboard box that this space food is contained in. When your food comes in a cardboard box, I think that is the first sign that you shouldn’t eat it.

But I fall for these scams every so often. Never go to the grocery store hungry, or you’ll come home with a bunch of shitty TV Dinners. I don’t know why I am so surprised every time it comes out of the microwave. What? I thought that the microwave zapped it into the beautiful goodness that it looks like on the box. I’m not sure what is more scary – the TV Dinner frozen or after it’s been microwaved. They should have a contest – whose TV Dinner looks the closest to the picture on the box? Or better yet, whose TV Dinner looks the most opposite then the picture on the box?

On this day, I bought the TV Dinner made by Banquet because I was told there would be lots of coupons inside. Why did I think that the coupons would be for various other things in the store and not JUST Banquet products? How dare I think-outside-the-brand. (I should TM that)

Growing up, I ate a lot of TV Dinners because when you’re a kid, eating disgusting food is great. My BFF Tisha (mentioned in my first post!) had this nack for not following the directions. Which she is damn right in that notion because the directions are a pain in my freakin ass…

“Remove the film cover off of the chicken nuggets, but not off of the mac n cheese, and poke holes in the film cover above the brownie. Replace film cover for the last minute of microwave zapping and don’t forget to double tap”

Like, WHAT?! With that being said, I still couldn’t ignore the directions (insert psychological diagnoses of why I couldn’t do that here).

The directions on this particular TV Dinner really did say what I said above, minus the double tap. It also said to “move the chicken nuggets around”… move them around?! Do you mean, flip them? Who writes these things anyways! In art school we always did this task where one person writes down a set of directions while the other person follows them word for word. There is a reason you learn this task before moving on to a real mans job. So you don’t confuse idiots like me! Oh, and so you can be credible and make sense and be a real goddamn human being adult idiot child face head (TM).

Who knew you could go on this long about TV Dinners?

The pudding always ends up with corn in it. The brownie always tastes like the mac n cheese. The mac n cheese is always half frozen. The chicken nuggets are probably made of soy. “My child will never be a vegetarian” – good luck with that, pretty sure you’re feeding them soy 9 times out of 10.

Who are these things packaged by anyways? I bet the Marketers do all the work, even make the food, thats why it’s so shitty.

(this all coming from a gal who works around many Marketers, Photographers, and Photoshop-extraordinares)

Do not feed your cats, kids, or yourself TV Dinners folks. If you do, make sure you exercise it out, like so: