Shake it like a Polaroid Picture

My buddy Jackie keeps suggesting to me that I should “attempt” to make some crazy fancy food in order to see how hilarious it turns out. The problem with that is, I don’t even know where to begin half the time. I’m also really impatient when it comes to food. I want my food and I want it now! (Right now I’m dreaming of breakfast potatoes)

One thing that I do know how to make (thanks, Mom) is Shake n Bake. When I saw the commercial for Kraft’s new product, I was all “Sweet! I can make my chicken more delicious now!” Honestly, half the time I just make it plain because I’m too lazy to even shake n bake. I normally used mashed potatoes as my condiment anyways. People put crab on top of their meat, why can’t I put potatoes on top of my meat?

Back to Kraft. Take a look at this monsterious packaging, the way the design delightfully draws you into its “new” product. It’s going to be delicious, right? Dude. It’s the same damn thing as Shake n Bake. Don’t try and sell me something “new” when it’s clearly not an original idea. Back to those pesky little advertisers and marketers again!

But the truth is, this shit was goddamn delicious. My well cultured friends would probably frown upon the fact that all I did was Shake it like a Polaroid Picture, they would probably want me to do something insane using words that I don’t even understand or knew exsisted. I guess that’s the price you pay for not falling into these advertisers tricks.

Price? This shit was like 3 bucks, ching ching. Ok here is my only problem with Shake n Bake/This New Kraft Shit (that’s the technical name for this product) – the directions on the package for how to cook the chicken is always different from the directions on the actual chicken package. wtf mate?! Why are ya’ll contridicting each other? Those of us that are terrified to be cooking in the first place need consistant directions! Luckily with this one, the temperature was the same, but the time was 10 minutes less. I did it for the lesser of the times, and it actually turned out perfect. (I can’t believe I am saying that)

The other thing I hate about meat is the dethawing process. I hate leaving it out on the counter all day to just soak in the warm kitchen sun, makes me nervous the little chickens are going to get up and walk away. I mean, would you want to be cooked in that hot ass oven? Well, you probably would. Because most of you bitch about the cold winter season and can’t wait to be outside burning to death.

An annoying thing about this particular kind of Shake n Bake was that there were 2 pouches, bread crumbs and cheese. You were suppossed to break the seam down the middle, and then shake them together. Turn it to the left, the cheese falls ontop of the bread crumbs. Turn it to the right, the bread crumbs fall ontop of the cheese. There wasn’t much room for it to fall through the cracks and actually mix correctly. Can I get an idiot proof Shake process next time?!

So there you have it folks, that chicken was done with the cold ass freezer and ready to get a sun tan in the oven. Then I ate it. (My photography skills make my food look far more gross then it actually is to the common person)

Green beans are always my go to side along with my mashed taters. Although I can never make my Green Beans quite like Joe’s mom does, even though I follow her directions! We didn’t have any milk so I couldn’t mash them taters, but I survivded. We got a new “Rice Side” that was Garlic with Cajun Spices – it was also delicious!

All in all, I call this a great success. Dozey enjoyed some chicken and Joe enjoyed some vegetarian riblets that only involve the microwave.

Let the kitty food coma settle in…