The confused chicken

Excuse me if I am repeating myself, but I. do. not. understand. chicken. DO NOT.

I’m only a vegetarian by default and I am a pretty picky eater (as we know) so sometimes I need some good ol’ fashioned meat.

But I can never. get. it. right.


  1. I don’t own a meat thermometer
  2. I once owned a meat thermometer, but it was either broken or I didn’t cook anything right
  3. The directions on the chicken say “from frozen, 375 for 35 min” – don’t you have to thaw chicken and THEN cook it like that?
  4. The directions on the shake n bake say “400 for 20 min”, but it says for pork. Then later on the package says “use pork, chicken or seafood”. Does this apply for chicken?
  5. I’ve been told that white chicken could mean it isn’t done yet, if it’s shiny
  6. What if the edges are pink?
  7. I’ve been told if you cut into it, it’s bad because reasons

So what in the hell am I supposed to do here? I am listening to all of the directions around me and still can’t get it right.

I try following the shake n bake directions and I get so worried when I pull it out of the oven. It is beautifully white, but tough to cut. My fellow chicken cooking texting friends tell me that I have over cooked it. WHY are the signs for under and over cooking the same?


I understand it depends on the thickness of the meat for how long you cook it, so at least I have one thing going for me.

I also learned that if you put tin foil over it, it helps it to not dry out when you are potentially over cooking it.

But you know what I haven’t learned? How to cook chicken the right way. This is probably because I am used to it tasting dried out. Where da juicy chickens at?

Brb going to Crate & Barrel to buy a meat thermometer….or becoming vegan, one or the other…




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