Guys, I’ve been having a lot of spills lately. I don’t know what the deal is. And as frustrated as I get, I am still determined to make meals better than spegetti and tacos. I don’t know if this counts as a fail, seeing as how the cooking part is still happening. But it sure feels like a fail when your shit splats everywhere.
You know what annoys me about recipes? Ridiculous titles when all you’re really doing is boiling some noodles and adding a store bought sauce. “Roasted encrusted pan seared twice cooked salmon smothered in winter vegetables with a green chilie sauce”. Bitch all you did was put some salmon in the oven after sprinkling pepper on top and again on the stove and added a jar of sauce after you microwaved your vegetables. Ain’t nothin special about that so quit tryna sound so special in your title.
The Internet can be so deceiving. But it works for me because adding more than one spice is like standing on one leg, wobbly and I usually fall.
I wanted to make my own French fries with some seasoning, sounds simple enough, right?
Well, first you have to figure out how to cut a potato into French fry shapes and potatoes have odd curves sort of like women so that was difficult to figure out. Whatever, they’re smaller than the potato originally started and that’s all that matters.
Then I threw some junk in a bowl – olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, chili powder, and tossed the potatoes in. “Tossing” is such a difficult thing. I’m standing there like dancing with a bowl in the kitchen hoping that the fries get equally coated. Wonder if this is a technical term in the cooking world, “tossing”.
The recipe says to lay them on foil and use non stick cooking spray, but of course I ignore that because I’m a badass bitch.
After the oven took its sweet ass time preheating, I finally got to put my large pan into the oven. Except oh no, I don’t. Because I drop it all over the oven door instead. I have fries seeping out of my oven onto the floor and I hold back from a hissy fit because dudes, potatoes are a luxurious item. I can’t live with this tragedy. I’m all like MAN DOWN MAN DOWN CALL A MEDIC!
I guess the good news is that I also have a smaller pan of fries, so I’ll stick those in. Oh speaking of sticking, they stuck to the pan like a tongue on a pole in the snow.
So fuck you french fries, I’m ordering pizza that I don’t even like on the one day that it isn’t half off because the Caps didn’t play the day before.
Sorry potatoes, YOLO.
Cats be like, wtf ma?